Peri-Peri-Pratt

Nando's can fuck off...

I'm sorry, but when is basically doing everything yourself bar actually cooking the food, acceptable when you've gone out for a meal?

Clearly Nando's is not a restaurant, even if the big fat hens at the top do think so. The sheer cheek to expect you to cough up grotesque amounts of spondulicks for some battery chicken in pitta or rancid, dusty olives is criminal.

Bullshit.

Plus who decided that the tiny wooden cockerel on a stick, which blankly wobbles in it's condiment holster like a disregarded Xmas cracker trinket, was a sufficient means of deciding who has and who hasn't been served? A fucking child with no head could have constructed a better method.

bonediseaseforyourchildren.com/fuckoff.html

People who say expressions such as "confused.com!" or "bored.com!" or add .com, .org, .net, .whatbloodyever, to the end of their speech, can do everyone a favour and fucking rot...

Don't act as if this is some witty idiom or form of contemporary, self-knowing slang. It isn't. And if you are ever tempted to say this, stop yourself and consider, that if you continue, how much of a hollowed out vulgar titfuck of a person you would instantly become.

Here's an example, to expel the myth surrounding this particular phrase:

"This Wetherspoons sucks: BORED DOT COM!!!"

Translation

"This Wetherspoons sucks: I AM LONELY AND DESPERATE FOR PEOPLE TO FIND ME FUNNY AND LIKABLE I DRINK TO BECOME UNINHIBITED AND MOMENTARILY GAIN SUFFICIENT FUEL TO FILL THE DECAPITATED SENSE OF ISOLATION I HAVE THROUGH A WATERY SPIRIT AND OVERLY HAIRY BACK AND EARS I AM ONLY CAPABLE OF REGURGITATING ADVERTISEMENT GARBAGE TO ESTABLISH A LEVELLED PLAYING FIELD WITH MY PEERS IN WHICH THERE IS NO FEAR OF NOT CONNECTING WITH ONE ANOTHER SECRETLY I HARBOUR BIZARRE REPRESSED FANTASIES ABOUT POLIO I HAVE MASTURBATED IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY PORTRAIT MANY TIMES AND I CRY LOADS AND LOADS"

Also... Guess what?

That's right! You are officially in the top 15 most hated people on the planet, just below the Croydon tram racist and Kim Jong-il, but just above Gary Glitter and the entire contents of Essex.