Daily rind

People who claim the fat is the best bit on bacon can fuck off...

It's just clearly not, why would you bother saying it.

If you think it's the best bit, do yourself a favour.

1. Don't tell any one you respect as they will think you're a fucking idiot.
2. Self harm

We are family!

Families that spread all the way across a path can seriously fuck off...

...not only is it highly impractical and insanely selfish, but you also look like washed up music hall entertainers that no one wishes to hire.

And don't even consider locking this formation through the holding of hands, you are merely speeding up the hate crimes that will be ferociously acted upon you and your turgid offspring.

People that can Fuck Off: No. 88 - The Insane Clown Posse

Just fucking look at them.

Sale MUST end this Sunday...

Why MUST sales end? Sounds a bit over the top I reckon.

If your mum said 'You MUST never get in to a strangers car', you'd probably think yeah alright then. Maybe she emphasised the MUST because it's quite important. But if some bloke on the TV told me a sale MUST end this Sunday, I'd find it almost impossible to give a shit.

Remember when Eisenneger had one on the go for ages.

People that can Fuck Off: No. 12 - Lee Nelson

Like Ali G without the irony. Or the jokes.

Epic Cunt

I've had this really good idea for a game show...

It's like most task based game shows except it's got that cunt off the Direct Line adverts shouting 'Epic Win' every 22 seconds.

I'll put it on ITV because more idiots watch that channel.

People that can Fuck Off: No. 64 - George Osborne

What a total fucking earwig.

You say "Potato" she says "Potatoe" he says "Po-datoe" and I've set the kitchen on fire.

People who say "brought" instead of "bought" can honestly just fuck off...

...language is incredibly complex and potentially overwhelming if not broken down with careful consideration to the individuals learning patterns, yet, if this mutant spoonerism, this basic dialectical hurdle, this foremost facet of marriage between meaning and linguistics cannot be conquered by our highly evolved minds, then we may as well buy all of our children Golliwogs for Christmas and start shitting out of windows again. It buggers belief.